she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
