How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
