She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just blew my weed a kiss
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
