did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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