Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
