someone owes me an orgasm
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
