ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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