im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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