I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
