oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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