His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
