You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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