How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
so much tequila, so little girl.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
