i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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