Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
