I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
