His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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