You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
