Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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