why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
