I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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