i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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