At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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