my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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