if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
