Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
