im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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