When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
