You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
