I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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