she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
