benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
