i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
