i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
