even my farts smell like vagina
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
