you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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