I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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