dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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