Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
