There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize