based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
