I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize