its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
