I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
