Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize