FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
