My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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