Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
