Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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