i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
