Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
