I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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