he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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