i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
