You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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