I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's official drugs can't kill me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
