I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
