someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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