So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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