remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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