i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
