I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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