Sry I called you an 8
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
