Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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