Cold hands, warm shart.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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