I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
