R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
